Frustration For The Win!

It had been a bad evening. Between little sleep due to a newborn, a long day at work, a three-year-old’s perfect-embodiment-of-an-upraised-middle-finger meltdown, and a previously house-trained dog’s homemade mud-wrestling-pit in the upstairs hall, my neurons were frazzled.

Grumpy and resentful, I trundled the dogs out for their nighty walk, muttering and cursing to myself like a crazy person. As we passed a house we pass regularly, we discovered that the door to the enclosed porch had been left open, allowing a rather large, black dog we’d never met before to plaster itself against the screen door and begin barking aggressively, even furiously, at us.

I had pretty much had enough. I was tired and pissed off, and I really needed that decompression time to regain my sanity. Without thinking, I dropped into the low, gravelly voice I had to learn to use when disciplining our bull mastiff, and roared, “HUSH!”

To my surprise, the black dog stopped its calamitous caterwauling instantly, dropped down from the door, and just stood there, looking at us. For a moment, I paused, basking in my restored quiet time.

Then it happened. From inside the house came a woman’s voice, quiet but with a razor-sharp, mocking edge to it, carrying possibly the most devastating thing I’ve ever heard one human say to another.

“Why won’t she do that for you?”

I must have giggled for an hour straight…

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Mind-blowing Realization

We don’t actually need to worry about Trump doing the bidding of the < Russians/corporations/white supremacists/your bugbear here >. This isn’t because any particular suspected evil Trump-maker didn’t actually do the evil someone thinks they did to get him elected.

Trump won’t be paying back any favors to ‘X’ simply because the man has welshed on every deal he’s ever made!

Posted in For Facebook, General, Personal, Philosophical, Political, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Incursion Report: Addendum

72 hours have now passed since the incursion delivered subject (Codename: “The Baby”) into our reality. Medical section leader (Codename: “The Doc”) insists that the subject is fully functional, yet it does nothing but eat, sleep, and produce alarming sounds, smells, and substances.

However, some concerning phenomena have been observed in the subject’s immediate environment. The team assigned to intercept and study this anomaly reports a marked decrease in alertness and ability to complete simple tasks. For example, the team leader (Codename: “Dad”) has been observed sleeping while eating, talking and standing, often simultaneously. Likewise, the life sciences mission specialist (Codename: “Mom”) has begun filing mission reports heavily stained with unidentified noxious organic substances.

Additionally, speculation has been made over the wisdom of introducing the previous incursion subject (Codename: “Big Brother”) to the latest subject. The two seem to share far too many traits in common to be unrelated, and suspicions were aroused when on multiple occasions, simultaneous emotional breakdowns conveniently produced situations in which favored food and play items became available to BB.

Despite these challenges, the study team reports high spirits and hopes for the outcome of their mission!

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Baby Incursion Report

It has now been 24 hours since the incursion event. Subject (Codename: “The Baby”) continues to exhibit curious properties, behaviours, and fragrances.

In an attempt to better evaluate the subject, a previous incursion subject (Codename: “Big Brother”) was brought in and allowed to spend several hours studying the subject. BB’s first impression transcript includes only a few intelligible thoughts, including “Pretty!”, “Soft!”, and “Needs a haircut!” BB broke expedition protocol to attempt a procedure he referred to as “Poke the baby”, and had to be temporarily restrained. BB will be reintroduced to the subject at a later time in a more controlled environment for further study.

Initial photographic survey of subject has been completed. Results below:

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Baby Alert Condition: Blue

On-site teams report that incursion subject (Codename: “The Baby”) is a remarkable specimen. Subject displays unexplainable levels of strength and alertness, weighs in at at seven pounds, three ounces, and is eighteen inches of rapacious eating machine.

Addendum: Observers posit that the subject may be evolutionarily related to the modern air-raid siren, but far outstrips it’s lesser cousins’ pitch and volume!

Further observations transmitted as the situation develops…

Posted in Family, For Facebook, Geeky, General, Personal, Uncategorized, Whimsical | 1 Response
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