As a business owner, home owner, dog owner, and now children owner, I have come to understand a great many things about life in the modern world. Based upon this vast experience, I have decided to update a few of the traditional aphorisms whose usefulness has begun to age out: “Necessity is a mother.” “To […]
It had been a bad evening. Between little sleep due to a newborn, a long day at work, a three-year-old’s perfect-embodiment-of-an-upraised-middle-finger meltdown, and a previously house-trained dog’s homemade mud-wrestling-pit in the upstairs hall, my neurons were frazzled. Grumpy and resentful, I trundled the dogs out for their nighty walk, muttering and cursing to myself like […]
72 hours have now passed since the incursion delivered subject (Codename: “The Baby”) into our reality. Medical section leader (Codename: “The Doc”) insists that the subject is fully functional, yet it does nothing but eat, sleep, and produce alarming sounds, smells, and substances. However, some concerning phenomena have been observed in the subject’s immediate environment. […]
It has now been 24 hours since the incursion event. Subject (Codename: “The Baby”) continues to exhibit curious properties, behaviours, and fragrances. In an attempt to better evaluate the subject, a previous incursion subject (Codename: “Big Brother”) was brought in and allowed to spend several hours studying the subject. BB’s first impression transcript includes only […]
On-site teams report that incursion subject (Codename: “The Baby”) is a remarkable specimen. Subject displays unexplainable levels of strength and alertness, weighs in at at seven pounds, three ounces, and is eighteen inches of rapacious eating machine. Addendum: Observers posit that the subject may be evolutionarily related to the modern air-raid siren, but far outstrips […]